How to start off...Well I guess that I should say that old saying of "I have good news and I have bad, which one do you want first" but instead I will begin with do you want the Positive first OR do you want the Negative? Well the Negitive wins...
I have been so very hard on myself lately. I can't seem to get it together. I feel like I am failing at being a mother, wife and just plain ol Dyan. I feel very sad, blue, I have no motivation whats so ever to do ANYTHING. When someone asks how I am doing I reply, busy, tired, worn out, ect. Who wants to hear that as a reply? Very depressing. Well it is the truth. It seems like every winter I start to feel this way. I guess it is all the time that I spend inside. My vitamin D count must go way down because I start feeling depressed and no good to anyone. I am not feeling great about myself and I feel like eating, but then eating is where the problem stems from how I feel about myself. It really is a vicious cycle and I know who is behind it. So today in the tanning bed, that's right Vit D! I just started praying to God to help me help myself. I asked him to take away that desire to eat bad food and to really start helping me to put the craving energy into something else, like praying for those who surround me, who love me, who are there for me. I asked Him to put someone's name in my head that I could pray for whenever I had a craving for something that I SHOULD not have. I need to go back to the book Made to Crave and re-read it. It seemed to help having another place to put my energy. I need to take care of myself so I can better take care of my family. That is IT with the negative attitude!
Now I really debated whether I should bold in the Super Mom blog or if I should blog in the Journey to a New me blog, but this one won out. So with every negative there needs to be a positive and this is why this blog won out.
I am a second year deer hunter. This year I got my first buck/deer. It was a prefect day, My sister Meghan was able to come over in the early afternoon and watch the kids for me. She picked up Christian from school so I could go out. Jory was at work and so I went out by myself. I got into my tree around 1:15pm. I sat and sat...I almost fell out of the tree when a squirrel jumped into the tree right next to me and about scarred me to death. So after I recovered from my near heart attack, I was just sitting and listing to the peace and quiet when I heard it...I heard the scraping of a buck's rack against a tree. I looked and looked all around in front of me, and I could not find him. I thought to myself that he might be behind me. and low and behold there he was. Two trees behind me. Now there was two things that could have happened. One was that he could have started walking away from me, OR he could turn and start walking RIGHT under me! Well his decision was made and he walked right under me. Well there were too many trees in the way, so I had to wait until he was in the clearing and that is when I shot him. It was a perfect shot from about 40yards. He ran about 20 yards and was down. I will tell you it was an amazing adrenalin rush for me. I was so proud of myself that I did it on my own. PLUS it was a 10 point buck. I will probably never shoot another one that large again. That is ok. I was really worried that Jory would be upset that this year he did not get anything. I was worried of him being jealous of me. He was so very encouraging and he started bragging on me. He was SO proud of me, that I was willing to go out on my own and hunt AND get my first deer was so cool to him that jealousy never even crossed his mind! I have the coolest hubby in the world!
My kids are growing growing growing! Christian is in kindergarten now and Lily and I have most of the day just her and I! I am loving this time with my girl. I am still working just two days a week and it seems to be working out great for me and for my family. We started a new tradition in the house this Christmas...We have adopted an Elf. His name is Zingo and he is an ornery little guy. It is really fun to see Christian wake up every morning and try and find what Zingo has been up to. It has really helped with the attitudes of my children. They know that every evening after they go to bed, Zingo flies up to Santa to give him the report of them being good or bad. So far, So good! That is all positive and I know that I have a great life and a GREAT hubby and GREAT children.
So here is what I know to be true. I know that I am a child of God, My husband adores me, I love my kids and they are growing to fast, I know that I am worth the time to take care of myself and that I need to love myself enough to let the little things in this life go. I know that I have awesome great friends who love me for who I am. There should be nothing now to bring my mood down. Now that I KNOW these things to be true. I still could use prayers to help me get out of the "funk" that I am in. I will be praying for you all often. Thanks for reading!
1 comment:
There is a condition that comes out in some people. I think it's called seasonal mood disorder or something. If the vitamin d from tanning doesn't help, you might ask your doctor for a little something to help. And that would be nothing to be ashamed of... I would know! I take happy pills year round! You are worth it and you're an amazing woman and sister! Love you!
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